Today my mum scolded me for a few things, like the old times, as usual. I was always being picked on every single little details, things that I hate doing yet I have to do, things that is meaningless and repetitive, things that IF MY SISTER DIDN'T DO, SHE WOULDN'T BE SCOLDED AT ALL. I know this sounds like a little kid's complain like I don't know, a 5,6-years old kid? But it has been like this all along. Look, I hate getting scolded for stupid things like this, I HATE IT EVEN MORE IF I'M BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY.
Sometimes I reflect and it feels like nothing will ever change the fact that my parents will always side my sister, nothing will ever change the fact that I'm always that guy receving all the music from my parents. All I ever did for the past 20 years was just to be better, less mistakes, be outstanding in work, studies and life, achieve FAR better things that my sister didn't. That was the wish I had EVERY SINGLE TIME BEFORE I BLOW MY BIRTHDAY CANDLES. It didn't came true, 20 years, nothing. Right now, the things I've achieved, are way better than what my sister did when she was at my age. Logically, I should be having a 'better' life now, I've got results, I've got certs, I've done things that my sister did too. I was better if not on par in every single aspect of my sister at the age of 20. When she was 20, I was in secondary school, but even before that i primary school, I know I just couldn't lose out, I must win every single time, I must outdo her in every aspect.
When I look at other families siblings all seem so close and warm. I never looked at my family the same way. Yes it would be strange in a way to talk about my family in such a light but this is how I really felt, I never felt like I was in a family since the last time I truly had a smile within this family a few years ago. I know I have to treasure what I have now, my mum, my dad, my sis, but it is just so difficult to understand them and gel with them anymore. I can't even feel that happiness in this group of people anymore. Everyday I just lock myself in my room most of the time and use the com, using it as a platform to get away from this world I live in, occasionally I would go out, sit on the sofa and just watch my dogs sleep, my mum watching tv, my dad and sis won't be there most of the time, I would just stone there and after a little while, walk back into my room. I just don't feel anything here and I don't know why.
I don't know what the future holds for me, my aim was always to be the best in the family, I think it will always stay that way, until I've reached my target.
Tonight, I was scolded at doing the same mistake which I neglected, which my sister didn't bother either. It was like a big smack on my forehead '20 years, and nothing changed.'

Aik! So once again I felt like posting something here haha. Talking about my workplace, I think I'm just glad that I'm going to quit. Mainly becuase that the workplace is just too restrictive, like so many rules and responsibilities without any rise in pay. Everything that can go wrong, is being pushed to our roles and responsibilities, so from now onwards, whatever goes wrong, its just our fault. Nothing to do with the company at all. Yet my pay is still as low. -_- how unfair haha zz..

Secondly, thanks to yvonne I have someone to talk to regarding this but yea SHES a really nice girl, but like what you said, it's best we start to go on our own seperate ways and let nature take its course. I have to admit this has been on my mind like recently couldn't help it but at least I'm glad that I'm quitting soon so nothing is going to happen.

I think overall this workplace is super fun, less the animal-type customers. They say the working hours is long, but with all these companies I thought it was really acceptable, after awhile time will just fly and tada time for closing! (: It made me realise that lowly educated people are really clever, like they know stuff. They know how to make things work. It's very much different from the typical sterotype that we JC people always have about them. I thought coming from St. Gabriels will help me take away that sterotyping but I guess I was wrong. I think they are the ones that make a society click, they are the ones that the society must rely on the most. For this alone I think 4 months in this workplace with a low salary is worth it. Thank you for being there guys.

Okay now that I'm already on my 'ORD' mode, shit many things are coming up. Camps, HK trip lol which I honestly haven't planned for. Time to get all these things settled and start to get my studying brain back! (already having difficulty calculating my multiplication tables zzzz need to actually rely on my calculator..)

Argh why am I still receiving my pioneer magazine! So angry man told them a thousand times and a thousand times they ignored my email and calls! Being super super irritated by them right now, I think this pioneer magazine publisher sucks at his work and follow ups and it shows the kind of working mentality of the SAF! I don't care if I get sued or what for saying army sucks or SAF sucks or what, cause it is really damn irritating that I need to send reminders a thousand times for them to ignore! COME COME SAF/ ARMY/ MINDEF PLEASE PLEASE STICK YOUR EYES OUT, LOOK AT THIS BLOGPOST AND TELL YOUR PUBLISHER TO STOP DEDUCTING MY MONEY FOR THIS USELESS MAGAZINE PLEASE!

ARGH one magzine can just spoil my day.

Went to work today, and suddenly realised that it has been a week already! Time flies.. Well, makes me wonder why Singapore service is really so bad. I think its just the culture, like the way we are raised from young, the mentality that our parents deem as 'correct and positive'. I think it is exactly that causes this whole issue about bad service in Singapore.

I tried to provide something more just to make customers' lives easier, no need to travel here and there, from shop to shop, but I wasn't allowed to. I tried to tell customers some things that they probably would find useful even though they didn't ask for it, I wasn't allowed to do that either. Okay la if I really want to I still can help them but what's the point if I make their life better and in the end my life turns sour.

Hm but overall I think I still like it there, the people there are nice and friendly and yes haha half day today! (:

I'm just being typically jealous. You know it.

Being a customer service guy really makes you think twice about the way you should go by and do repairs and enquiries haha. Today my manager was handling a hot guy and a pretty girl who came in and wanted an exchange for a phone but didn't want to pay so they argued, until it was so loud I told my customer "hey it's too noisy here the little boy (who is actually i think 20 plus) and the little girl (20 plus) are talking too loud, maybe we go outside and i settle the phone for you?" and the customer just LOL, like right next to them so my customer's family and I all stared at them before we left the place! But yea don't understand why the need to raise the voice to get a point across.

AND YES JOYCE PLEASE HAHA DINNER AT YISHUN CAN. ENOUGH OF THE CIG SMOKE WHILE I ENJOY MY DAY OFF! (:

I went running today! sebei chui! Lucky my pull ups isn't that bad LOL

Today I went to a movie premiere 'kidnapped' with my parents. My dad was the director of photography of that particular movie, so he kinda got us some free tickets to watch the movie premiere at vivo city along with the actors and crew. Among the standard of all locally produced films, this is considered one of the best I've watched I must admit.

The tricky story plot of kidnap isn't easy as it usually turns out dull and boring. The most important part of a kidnap is facial expression and I thought most of them, especially chris lee, did well. The focal points of various scenes were correct and appropriate. The addition of what I call 'arty (not artillery lol) scenes' weren't over dosed. Generally the plot feels like there were alot of chilli spices, but they come in little doses across the entire film so as to not let the audience get an over dose of chilli powder thus pushing it too far.

There were bad points too, alot of people mentioned the last part being too rushed, too eager to finish off the movie. I didn't like the expression of some smaller characters, I didn't like the singapore flyer part at all as it was lame, like totally. I didn't understand the kidnapper at all, whether is he money minded, or is he sadistic, or is he just confused. The kids were somewhat a grey area, they lack the acting skills, but they still give out singaporean flavour. Then again, I was thinking if singaporean flavour is more important than acting skills, to me making a movie = actors must be chosen for acting skills and the ability for the actors to give off post movie effects, with that criteria, I wouldn't have chosen that kid. Maybe its the budget.

But all these was what went through my mind during the movie. What was overwhelming was what went through my mind after it. Before the movie the director (i.e. the main top guy) thanked my dad personally infront of the entire cinema. Reminds me of Oscar Awards lol. This left quite a weird taste after the movie especially with all the "hey! congrats its a good movie!" or "hey not bad good job!" with all the actors and bla. The feeling of living in someone else's shadow.

Everyone will come by and congrat my dad for being such a talented man and will then ask if my mum is his wife and whether I'm his son and people just conveniently assume the naturally inherited talent in me just because my dad is good. I remember telling myself the reason why I stick with photography is because I didn't want to be with my father, doing the same thing, and always being compared to in the working world, especially in singapore. Yet photography still gives me a that little bit of art like videography. I just can't imagine my life, continuously being compared to. Like how darren ferguson will never be as great as his dad alex, kasper schmeichel will never be as outstanding as peter schmeichel. Both of them chose to be coach and goal keepers, both aren't doing well and both are constantly being compared not to someone irrelevant, but someone as close as their dads.

Maybe both kasper and darren went through what I went through today, probably x1million in magnitude and importance. But I really don't want to fill that big shoes which my dad will be leaving behind. I really, really dislike living in someone's shadow.